Break the Loop: Stop Living in Fear, Start Living in Purpose
“You're not too far gone. You're not too broken. You're not behind. You're one step away from the beginning of your journey.”
Have you ever felt like you're doing everything you can to grow, to move forward, to live well; but something invisible keeps pulling you back? Like no matter how hard you try, you're stuck in the same patterns?
For me, the thing that’s held me back the most, again and again, has been fear and shame. And the truth is, those two are deeply connected. Like tangled vines in the same soil, they grow off of each other. And unless you deal with the root, you stay stuck.
Fear Is a Weed with Deep Roots
If life is a garden, fear is one of those weeds that looks like it's gone; but then something triggers you, and boom, there it is again. You react in a way that doesn't even feel like you. That was me. I’d find myself lashing out, withdrawing, or acting in ways completely out of character… until I realized it was fear underneath it all.
Not just fear in general, but specific fears:
• The fear of not being accepted
• The fear of being misunderstood
• The fear of judgment or rejection
And then, when I would act from that fear, shame would slide right in.
"Why did I do that?"
"Why did I say that?"
"What is wrong with me?"
The Shame Spiral
That internal replay; the overthinking, the regret, the self-judgment; it drained my energy and made me question my worth. Even when I was doing the right things, like eating well or going to the gym, one misstep would send me spiraling. Especially if it was a mistake I had made before. That “I should know better by now” feeling? It’s heavy.
I felt like, “By this age, I should be past this. I should be better.”
But growth isn’t linear. And shame is a liar.
The Turning Point
I had to start asking:
What am I really afraid of? What is this reaction protecting me from? What is the desire underneath the behavior?
For me, I realized I was looking for love, validation, belonging, things that are not bad on their own. But I was seeking them in people and performance instead of in God and within myself.
When I aligned with what I truly believe, when I sought peace in God’s presence, everything shifted. That doesn’t mean I never fall into old patterns; but now, I recognize them faster. I can choose differently.
"When I am living in alignment with my values, when I am doing what I believe is pleasing to the Lord, that’s when I feel grounded."
How to Break the Loop
If you’re caught in a cycle, fear, shame, self-sabotage, here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Name the Behavior
What are you doing that doesn’t reflect who you really are?
• Is it procrastinating?
• Is it binge eating?
• Is it isolating yourself or not following through?
2. Get Curious, Not Critical
What’s the fear behind this behavior?
What do you really want?
Don’t judge it, listen to it.
3. Start Small
You don’t need to fix everything overnight.
• Want to get healthier? Walk 10 minutes today.
• Want to grow professionally? Ask your boss how you can improve.
• Want deeper friendships? Text one person.
Small steps build self-trust. And self-trust is how you start to break the loop.
You Deserve to Change — for You
Not for approval. Not for applause. But because you’re worth showing up for. You were not created to live stuck or small. You are still becoming.
"Please don’t believe the lie that it’s too late for you. Children learn new things every day, and so can you."
One Last Question
If you could release the shame that’s holding you back...
What could you be capable of?
Sit with that. Journal it. Pray through it.
You are not behind. You are not broken. You’re one step away from the beginning of a new chapter.
If this resonated with you, share it. Send it to a friend. Let’s keep growing together; one step at a time.
With love,
Amani
